Sam's lessons have progressed to a point that she and her brother may have crossed a forbidden boundary and are having second thoughts, although both want to continue, each finding unforeseen pleasure in the other's body
Sunday morning dawned clear and warm, a perfect early summer morning. It had almost become a family tradition that Sam would be the last to awaken and so it was; as she stirred in her bed, her first feelings of contentment and soft pleasure suddenly overcome by the memory of the specifics of her pleasure, the wonder of the pleasure now warring with the shame and, yes, the regret for what she and Andy had done. No, she thought, with her always-unyielding honesty, with what she had led Andy to. But after her mind processed her pleasure, then her resistance to what had happened, her final and triumphant memory was of the power she had suddenly discovered, the sheer, overwhelming, electric force that had powered through her whole body, the unprecedented feeling, the understanding, that had preceded her orgasm by mere seconds. And she understood that she had much to think about, about herself, her new found power, and…about Andy. And with that, smelling the welcoming scent of Andy’s breakfast frittata, she leapt from bed, showered, and prepared to greet her family and the day.
As Sam swept into the kitchen she was met by a chorus of greetings from both parents and from Andy, who turned from his station at the stove with a smile; not the sly, roguish smile of the morning before, but a warm, deep smile, a welcoming smile that reached his eyes and ignited a light in them. Sam saw this, glancing at her parents who were lost in their breakfasts and morning papers, and saw the light in Andy’s eyes, knew it for what it was; deep, unconditional love. Her reaction was not what it had been over the past week; for the first time she didn’t blush; no, something deep inside her seemed to shift, a tectonic shifting of her deepest feelings, a new adjustment, a new emotion that she was going to have to understand and deal with. All of this registered with Sam in the few moments it took for her to load her plate with breakfast, fill her coffee mug, and take her customary place at the table, consuming Andy’s gustatory gift to his family.
By unspoken agreement Sam and Andy went their separate ways, Andy fussing with his truck’s engine, Sam reading a medical training text in her room, each putting together their own lunch sandwiches and heading off with them to the garage, for Andy, or to her room, for Sam. At one point their mother remarked to Sam “you and Andy seemed to get on pretty well yesterday; all the jobs done, house in good shape…Andy’s even started his own laundry this morning.” The last part of the remark so quickly triggered Sam’s blush that she had to quickly laugh, turn away, and return a noncommittal response over her shoulder. “Maybe Dad and I will head off, like next weekend, more often, then, knowing you two have matters so well in hand” her mother continued, oblivious to Sam’s deepening flush.
Finally at mid-afternoon, knowing they couldn’t put it off much longer, Sam approached Andy in the garage. “Ready?” she asked.
“Sure. Just let me get cleaned up.” And with that Andy headed to the house while Sam sat in a deck chair on their patio, deep in thought, trying to give structure and expression to her thoughts and feelings. Within a few minutes Andy returned; scrubbed clean he had quickly changed into clean shorts and t-shirt. Holding the door open for Sam, they both entered the truck and headed out.
“I told Mom we were going for coffee,” Sam said, “do you prefer that or a walk?”
“Coffee seems right. Let’s go to the scene of the crime,” Andy smiled, and Sam understood immediately that they were heading to the coffee shop where, what seemed now an eternity ago, but was only a week, she’d begun all of this with her request of Andy.
Coffees in hand they instinctively returned to last Sunday’s table, once again far from other customers. “This is like Groundhog Day”, thought Sam.
After a few sips and after a few glances out the shop window, Sam began. “Do you remember Oscar Wilde?”
“What? Yes, vaguely. A writer, right?” Sam was an engineer, not an English major.
“Yes, a good writer, but often best remembered a being gay. In fact he was put on trial and convicted for it.”
“What’s that got to do with…”
“At one point he referred to his gay relationship as ‘the love that dare not speak its name’; it was impossible at the time to speak of homosexual relationships. It was a crime.”
“Ok,” said Andy, trying to follow.
“My point: what we felt…what we did last night was, well, very close to something like that. If we went any further, it could be…well…” and she lowered her voice, avoiding Andy’s eyes, “…incest.” The word sounded to Andy like the hiss of a snake, foreboding, threatening, frightening.
“I…I…don’t…”
“And that’s what it would really be, Drew, it would be the love that dare not speak its name. It’s taboo. It’s illegal. And it’s wrong. We can’t deny that, can we?”
“No. We can’t” and once again Andy felt the echo of the feeling he’d felt last night, that feeling of loss, of something lovely, an unprecedented bundle of love, affection, sexual energy and need…drifting away from him, Sammy’s words making them irretrievable. “No, we can’t,” he said so quietly that he almost spoke only to himself as if he was trying to convince himself of the truth, the logic of her words.
He was surprised to feel her hand on his. “Drew, you know I love you. But I’ve thought about this since last night. Maybe it happened because, well, you know, you don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s like we’re a couple of losers; you an all-boy high school, me an all-girl one, then you in a faculty that’s overrun with other guys and me in a school that has two guys and 150 women. We don’t have any real experience with the other sex, do we? No real experience about attraction, sex, love.”
Without thinking he replied “I love you, Sammy, and I always have. Always will, no matter what” but he knew she was absolutely right. They had to give their heads a shake and try to go back to where they’d been two weeks ago.
“I love you, too, Drew. But there are a lot of kinds of love; I love you as a brother, obviously, and I love you as a friend. But to love you…that way…we simply can’t.”
“You know, Sammy, you’re right. I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends, but I have been dumped. This feels a lot like you’re dumping me” and they both burst into laughter, loud enough that other customers glanced their way.
“Now…about Julie,” began Sam, “there are a few things we need to discuss. Timing, plans, you know.”
“Ok, lead on, McDuff.”
“Well, and this is the delicate stuff. You’re a virgin.” Andy blushed. “Oh, don’t be embarrassed, Drew, you and I know that both of us are virgins. ‘Nuff said. Julie is, too.”
“Ok.”
“But, and I hate to get all clinical, but she doesn’t have a hymen.”
“Huh? A what?”
“Oh, come on, Drew, don’t make this difficult for me. A cherry; she doesn’t have a cherry.”
“But you said…”
“I know; she’s still a virgin, but a couple of years ago she was with her cousins at their ranch, riding their horses, and she took a particularly hard bump on the saddle and…no more cherry.”
“Are you kidding? How would you know?”
“Julie and I have been besties for years. We tell each other everything.”
“And why do I have to know this?”
“Because any guy having sex with a virgin has to be really gentle, has to be slow, has to listen if she says anything, has to do it the way she wants…no, needs it to be done. I’m telling you this so that you know that might not be the situation. You’ll need to go slow and be gentle - you need to do that with any girl her first time, but you won’t feel any…ummm…obstruction, ok?”
“Ok, but you’re right; this is getting really clinical. You know, it’s even a bit of a turn off.”
“Ignore that, then, and think of Julie as a really lovely, well endowed,” - at this they both blushed - “sexy woman, ok? During the week think of her that way, maybe not just a sex object, not some girl you can simply pound until you get your rocks off, but someone who wants you, Drew, wants to have sex with you, ok? How many guys would love to have that? But it’s your first time and I want you to know that it might happen pretty quick for you, Drew, it does for most guys their first time. Don’t worry. Don’t think you’ve let Julie down. She’s pretty much expecting that and, besides, you’ll have another at bat…slugger.”
“Pounding. Rocks off. You’re starting to talk dirty, Sammy. Damn, it’s even turning me on a bit. I think we’ve talked enough. Maybe talk Wednesday? I have no classes in the afternoon; can we have coffee again?”
“Good plan. Swing by the hospital. It will be good for us to check in.”
Time became malleable; the days seemed to drag until Wednesday and then after coffee together it seemed to speed up as Friday approached. After a few prefatory comments and in response to Sam’s blunt questions, Andy admitted that he was turned on, that he was looking forward to Friday night. Did she have things organized? Yes, she said, she had the condoms organized and had picked a few out of Sunday evening’s near-exhausted supply in the nurses’ shower room. Julie, she reported, was nervous on the one hand and eager on the other. Mom and Dad would have left for the cabin by late afternoon, so after dinner…the party could begin. And in reply to her last question he agreed to cook dinner for the three.
“Ahh, one more thing, Sam; I hate to ask, but what will you be doing while Julie and I are, ummm, occupied?”
“Perv; you’re wondering if I’m going to sit there and watch, are you? I have to say that maybe that would be hot, but, no, it’s important that you have your privacy.” I’ll be off somewhere in the house and I need to watch just in case Mom and Dad come back for something. It’s a very small chance, but it could happen. I’ll have thought of some signal for you and Julie and a quick diversion so you can get decent.” And with that the coffee date ended, Julie returned to her residence, and Andy went home.
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