| 2018-10-06 05:22:37 |
Forced...
|
There seemed to be too much forced rhyming - words used only because they "sound like" other words. This forcing deducts from the imagery. |
| 2018-10-06 05:26:26 |
Thinking of you
|
Compliments on your effort. Unfortunately it reads like a "Nantucket" poem -- written only for its shock and humor. |
| 2018-11-12 10:01:13 |
best friends share part 1
|
Good use of the language in all but the sex. .Deions of the sexual act told me nothing. |
| 2019-05-02 08:00:14 |
Mom Caught Me and Dad
|
Style - reporter - doesn't work at all. |
| 2019-05-28 19:38:06 |
The Daddy File
|
Sorry! The story reads like sci-fi! His dick is too big, his skill is beyond his age, his attitude would not be acceptable for an attractive mother. Maybe if the mother was homely or very insecure? Having the mother call him Daddy does not ring at all trues. No mother, who isn't addicted badly, would accept her young daughter (or older I think) being passed around. The relationship she has with the HS footballer has to result in her becoming a hooker (and a cheap one at that). I have known mothers (major meth head, shit pushing, crack blowing, icer) who allowed their daughters to become enslaved to "Daddies" . They were not (and are not) the woman you describe. Add a reason for the mother to fall to the necessary depth and the story would be a bit more believable. Your writing is quite. |