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Comments from Daddycums
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2010-07-29 01:54:16 | Second Honeymoon_(0) | A masterpiece of storytelling. Seriously. It was humorous in a sympathetic sort of way. How many of us have had big plans ruined by everything going wrong? We've all been there, and reading this is cathartic, yet the tone throughout the story is still lighthearted. And when this poor couple finally tosses out their best-laid plans and go completely spontaneous, we rejoice with them when something finally goes right. I have to admit that after I read the first part, the sex scenes at the end almost felt like they were intruding on a great story. The sudden change of mood from dark humor to eroticism was a little jarring, but overall the story still worked really well. -Daddycums |
| 2010-07-30 14:45:55 | Sicilian Adventure | I liked the attention to detail that you incorporated into the story, and how you captured the mood and the thoughts of the characters. If you rewrote this in third-person past tense, I probably would have loved it. Unfortunately, there was one major obstacle to my enjoyment of the story: your choice of narrative voice. I'll be honest. I can only handle a present-tense narrative in small doses, and this one was a little too long. Changing the narrator in first-person perspective was an interesting and ambitious choice, but ultimately I just think it was too jarring. Still, you have a lot of talent; I just think you should stick to a more traditional narrative voice in the future. Just my opinion, of course. Write the way you want. -Daddycums |
| 2012-03-26 01:48:22 | The Worst Day Ever? | Reader 2012-03-23 23:05:58: I probably should have been clearer, because I got a similar comment over on the forum about this story. True, there's no timer in baseball, but there's a "timer" in P.E. (you're not going to play 9 innings in one period, so you just play until it's time to hit the showers) You could be right about right field, but I always hated softball in high school and I remember picking left field specifically to avoid having to do anything. Maybe I had a poor strategy? Calling it points instead of runs is just fine in an informal setting like high school P.E. And the home run was needed due to the "timer" rule above. It was the only way to score 4 runs in time. Thanks for replying, though. I appreciate constructive criticism whether I agree with it or not. -Daddycums |
| 2012-06-20 02:02:50 | Shadows on the Street | Oh my god, you're overanalyzing my stories again. To be quite frank, you're no fun. (Just teasing you, AP) By the way, if the character count bothers you, you're welcome to discuss it in more detail in the thread for the story on the forum. -Daddycums |
| 2012-06-21 02:38:48 | Shadows on the Street | SS: Actually, there's no reason I couldn't have some overlap between this story and my others. My story in the last CAW competition included some characters that appeared in Allison and the Primdales. I don't have any plans to use these characters again, but if I happen to need some characters that fit their particular traits or situation, they might show up again later. |