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Comments from Daddycums
Date | Story title | Comment |
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2009-11-09 23:59:44 | Unfatomable fantasies I - Rape of Amelia and Yen Yi (Part 1) | I read the story on the recommendation of a friend, and although I generally don't like rape stories, this one was really well done. The creepy and disturbing conversation in the prologue set up the tone perfectly for the rest of the story. The kidnapping wasn't the most believable, but it still worked. I liked the whole "game" idea of the rape. It's more creative than the usual rape story. I also thought the pacing was perfect. That's one of the hardest things for a new author to get right. I won't comment too much on the grammar, though there were quite a few errors. At least it was clean enough to be readable. My biggest suggestion is to work on your paragraphing. Some of your paragraphs were way too long, especially in the parts with dialogue. As a general rule, dialogue should result in shorter paragraphs, not longer. And was it 91 men, or 101? You were a little inconsistent there. Overall, it's quite impressive for a first story. Keep writing; you have tale |
2009-11-17 21:02:47 | Threesome for Daddy | It could use a little polishing, but not enough to keep me from giving it a positive vote. A classic "oh shit!" story (finding out the person you had sex with or were flirting with is not who you think). Good one. |
2009-11-29 23:45:24 | Noel | The mark of a good story is one that is enjoyed by someone who normally doesn't read that kind of story. This is such a story. You captured the feelings of sadness and grief perfectly, but with a ray of hope shining through it all, hope that in the end is fulfilled beautifully. It's the type of story that just cannot be categorized; it has the feeling of a Christmas movie, like It's A Wonderful Life, but the solution to the problem is what would in other circumstances be considered a perverted sex act. That's pretty hard to pull off, but you did a remarkable job. My favorite line in the story, and one that perfectly represents the style and tone, is, "Their home was warm and inviting, like walking into a hug." I know some homes like that, but until now I couldn't really put into words the feeling I get when I visit them. Thanks for this wonderful Christmas story. -Daddycums |
2009-12-10 10:11:57 | Ms. Orchard's Second Night in the Cabin | A very worthy addition to the story so far. It's just as hot as the previous chapters, and that's saying a lot. I have two minor criticisms: First, you've set up the story to be told strictly from Jimmy's point of view, so changing viewpoints in the middle is a little jarring. But you more than make up for that with this incredibly steamy lesbian scene. Second, you have two characters in this story named Julie. This can get confusing if you're not careful, so I guess my advice is just to be careful. I'm looking forward to Part 5 now. |
2010-03-29 10:57:30 | Nora - The Third and Final Chapter | READER 2010-03-25 22:32:39 I have had many conversations with ejls on the forums, and not once have I read anything to indicate that your allegation is true. I must therefore conclude that you are letting your own fantasies influence your observations. That's not healthy; if you don't do something about it, it might lead to delusions or even hallucinations. The good news is that now that we've identified your obsession, it should be easy enough to satisfy it. I suggest you advertise on the Personals forum that you want to "suck nigger cock". I'm sure you'll be able to find a well-hung black man to indulge you. Good luck on your search! -Daddycums |